I AM THE ORIGINALFATMAMA

  • I try to live so I may be the coolest grandmama who tells the most wonderful stories to my grandkids.

2009 ep 3: The Heart Breaks… Again

Posted by theoriginalfatmama on February 8, 2010

July. Marked my two-year anniversary in the Honks. Though it wasn’t anything significant. July was the peak of summer. Barbeque’d. Junk’ed. Beach’ed. Sun. Sand. Sea. Food. Cookouts. Eat-outs. Homemade black chicken soup. And then there was the swine flu that had us all under home imprisonment for a week. Schweeeet.

August. One word sums it up: Seoul. No, wait, make it “Lonely”. Or, “Painful” in a better nutshell. Never lived a more predictable life: Dunkin’ Donut coffee + kimchi onigiri lunch-ins + 16-hour work-days + sleepless nights being fucked by my own playful mind. For all of five weeks. Well, on the slightly more positive side, I had unlimited access to barbequed galbi, bibimbaps, Hites and all those homegrown miracle creams. And of course, them Dunkin’ Donut coffee.

Last August, food saved my life when I least expected it to.
Last August too, things just started to fade away. When I least expected them to.

September. Finally returned to the Honks, where home seems to be for the moment. The pangs of loneliness (and severe deprivation of hotpot) struck so bad for the past five weeks, I grabbed hold of anyone who would have dinner with me (specifically, hotpot). Or hell, even if it was Korean BBQ again.

The weather turned much chillier elsewhere in the world.
Like the Beantown, where I would visit once again in the last bits of September.
I just… didn’t think the chills would get in right through to my heart.

To be continued.

Posted in ME, favorite people, food, travel | 1 Comment »

2009 ep 2: The Heart Beats Again

Posted by theoriginalfatmama on February 4, 2010

April. It was no doubt work once again that put me on a 20-hour journey across the oceans to the great North America. A most memorable one, though, this trip was. Three whole weeks. Three new cities. Disneyland. Drunken nights. My favorite Japanese boys. My first Tods. Late-night runaways. Piggybacks. Dirty dancing. Dinners. Scrabble. Quincy. Mom. The kids. The Niagara. Family feuds. Smut. My first bite of the Big Apple. Lower East Side. Steven Alan. Chinatown char siu. McD’s coffee. Earth, Wind, and Fire. Mid-day. The cardigan. And that kiss.

I would live April all over again, if I could.

May. Back to normalcy. Back to some peace. Maybe. I should be feeling glad to spend rest time at home after a crazy March-April, but I remember feeling a little restless after a couple of weeks. I can’t wait to get out of HK again! Still, May was the time for friends. May was when we started the food parties – both indoors and out.

May was also when I was happy. Despite it all.

June. My baby cousin was getting married. The baby cousin whom I grew up with, shared measles with, slept on the same mattress with. I couldn’t quite believe my ears, so I had to trip back to Singers. I wouldn’t return again for the next seven months. But to some other places, I would. Again and again. Just before June came to a close, I flew another thousand miles to the Beantown. Then bussed up overnight to the T.O. to see the kids once more. More scrabble. More whiskeys. More music videos. More Dunkin’ Donut coffee. More pho.

Ah. Summer of ‘09. June was indeed blissful.

To be continued…

Posted in ME, favorite people, food, travel | Leave a Comment »

2009 ep 1: My Love Runs Away

Posted by theoriginalfatmama on February 2, 2010

I know it seems thirty-one days late, but I think I’m still in good time to bid 2009 a proper farewell. A fond one, hopefully.

Thirty-one days.
That’s the number of days I have spent thinking about 2009, about the events, the people, places I’ve been, things I’ve done, things done to me. About how I should close the chapter proper and say ‘bye’ with a peace sign.

I’ve read what some people wrote about 2009 in their own pages. And it seems most are eager to let 2009 go.
Me?
2009 could have been the best, or it could have not. But it almost changed my life.
Or, maybe it already has.

I don’t think I’ll forget 2009 for a while to come.
Let’s see if two-O-ten beats it.

*****

January. I remember January started off really, really bad. I remember what happened on the second day of the then-new year, that made me wish I didn’t have 363 more days to go. I thought my heart had been crumpled, my pride trampled upon. But I surprised even myself, when I made it through the following week like I had never been crushed. January also marked the first of only three trips I would make back to Singers for the whole year.

And then, January turned out to be the month where I thought I lost some, but it was also the start of something beautiful I unwittingly found.

February. One of the most painful moments of my life happened 339 days ago last February. It started really promising. Continued the merry-making with the boys, eating and drinking all over the place. We even made grand plans for a mass escapade to Hua Hin. I decided to get out of the hell-hole and embarked on a search for the better apartment. For more windows, a more photosynthesized life, and a rooftop for the kids to hang out. Found it. Fell in love with it. Decided to give it a little makeover, also as an excuse to keep myself busy.

And then, she ran away and never came back again.
My love is gone, it seems, for the rest of my life.
I cried non-stop.

March. Perhaps the start of a whirlwind that would last for almost the rest of the year. In the midst of everything, I sped up the furnishing and moving, so I could take a trip home that weekend to look for my baby. All 72 hours of running around, crying, driving, crying, pleading, crying, handing out stacks and stacks of flyers, crying, no sleeping, and more crying. Anger, sadness, pain – not the best of emotions to mix up on a weekend. Strangers called to tell me the same story over and over: that my baby was knocked down by a car, that she ended up limping in the middle of the busy highway. I choose not to believe that story. Drama-mamas, trouble-makers, shit-stirrers. Much as I wanted to hope otherwise, my 72 hours worth of efforts amounted to nothing. I took the plane back to HK, red-eyed and teary. In a few days, I would hop onto another plane and fulfill that grand escape plan to Hua Hin with my cronies. Some of the most guilt-ridden days I had to endure. And a week later, I flew further up to the most northern of China. My digits froze, my heart could just as well have died. But work kept on going. Not going back to a house where her absence would be painfully felt probably helped too. I went on with my life in HK, eating and drinking. Met Little Fat Cow for the first time. Bought my first EOS. Piper’s picture was always there right in front of me at home, but I would never dare take a glance. I merely counted days. I didn’t intend to forget. And for a while, I thought everywhere I went, everything served to remind me of her.

Then, in the last few days of March, I took the big trip up to the North of America.
Where something beautiful indeed happened…

To be continued…

Posted in ME, favorite people, food, travel | Leave a Comment »

Owls

Posted by theoriginalfatmama on January 11, 2010

There’s something about the owls today.

It started with my very well-rested Eleanor-Keds with the all-over owl print, that I finally decided to bring for a walk outside. Then my favorite owl necklace – which I removed when I figured I might be over-doing the owl thing.

Remembering how unwittingly delighted I was when I found my owl chopsticks during my recent Japan escapade, I decided I must have this weird fetish for them hooters that I never really realized.

It turned totally freaky when my Hanny pinged me a link to a music video – by none other than Owl City.

Hmm.

hanny: what a coincidence that ur last twitter post ws about owls
me: hahahhaa yes
me: i noticed i have a subtle liking for owls
hanny: because they sleep like u
hanny: like never

Well, at least you didn’t try to insinuate I sleep like them.

Love you, Hanny, and be strong.
You made me want to write again.

Posted in ME, favorite people | 1 Comment »

New Year, New Start

Posted by theoriginalfatmama on January 7, 2010

Been toying with the themes and fonts for weeks, months.
Also been too busy to even breathe, to catch up with myself.
Most of all, been too lazy. Too… afraid too.

Right. ‘Nuff of excuses.

p.s.: I think I still don’t really like this theme/font. Urgh.

Posted in ME | 2 Comments »

Still Me

Posted by theoriginalfatmama on August 23, 2009

I do have a past.  I do have a history.  Like everyone else.

I feel kinda bad about ‘leaving’ my history behind.  Like, I’m trying to shove it into some shoebox and hide it under the bed.

But I’m not.  Coming here, I’m just trying to find new inspiration, gain fresh energy, write about the new me – if there is one.  Writers do that, no?  Finish a book, and start a new one.  Even the history writers.

Don’t get me wrong too.  I love those pages.  They are MINE – well, kinda.  It took enormous pains to build them up to what they are now, I’m a CSS-idiot but I somehow fumbled through.

Those fonts were so ‘me’!  Unlike this silly one.

But over the past few months, I lost it.  I’d visit my old pages again and again everyday, and I’d re-read all my entries and laugh at myself.  I’d click on the “add new post” button, then pick my brains to find what I’d really wanted to say.  But finally, I’d just exit with an empty post and go to bed.

And it’s not like I have nothing to say.

Many moons have passed, the first seven (and now almost eight) months of this year have just zipped by faster than the Shinkansen.  Many things, good and bad and in-between, have happened.  I have been to many places, seen new things, met new people, learned new things, developed new passions, ate new foods, made new dreams, found new loves.

But all these experiences rush inside of me and fuck flush my brains out, sometimes I need to stop and catch a breath, and still most times I can’t figure out what to make of them really.

Things that go on all around me, they must mean something.  I’m getting too sucked into the real world, and I’m almost forgetting to remember a lot of things.

Like, writing.

Most of all, I lost the inspiration to inspire myself.

I want to write again.  I love the tapping sounds of my keyboard – but not when I’m fuckin’ churning out email after email at work.

And honestly?  I love white pages these days.  The dark ones were starting to depress me.

Except… I really fucking hate this new font.  I’ll get over this soon, I hope.

So, here we go…

Posted in ME | Leave a Comment »